Gamblers & Losers

Came across the question 'What's the biggest gamble you have ever taken?' and thought answering it would be an interesting exercise in self-reflection. Or maybe not. Let's see...

The first major gamble of my adult life would be be the one I took upon as a 20 year old, by having a child and knowing I would be raising her on my own. And I did raise her on my own. For 9 long years that went ridiculously fast. This gamble totally paid off because as serious as I thought I was a person beforehand, becoming a mother & the responsibility that came with it, made me so much more so (serious). I stopped with the haphazard/luck-be-a-lady approach to life I had led up to that point and chose to allow myself to be anchored to something more constant.

This gamble introduced the notion of stability into my life and taught me to see the benefit of playing the 'long game'. How so? Well, for someone such as I used to be, a sucker for instant gratification, instant results & instant karma I learnt the value of sowing seeds and tending to them without worrying about the harvest.

Let's take my professional career for example, there was a point in my early 20s' that I came to believe that the window of opportunity was so short that I could not afford to say no to work. There was so much 'I' wanted to do, to achieve, to accomplish so much so that for the first few years I threw myself into work commitments without fully respecting my personal circumstance i.e our little family of two.

In a way, I denied the reality of my situation - in my mind, part of the gamble I had undertaken in having my child also involved me 'having it all' when it came to work. Otherwise I would be a failure mom, right? But having it all is never truly that because it comes at the detriment of other factors of your life so in truth you are not having it all but having 68% or 74% or a number equally as random.

So, I learnt to put 'I' aside and focus instead on 'us'. The gamble continued changing shape & I continued growing within the gamble. Being a great mom was more important than being the young new blood on the biggest agent's book. My child needed me more than I needed that level of validation (and believe me that is all that is) so I learnt to prioritise whilst being more directive. I re-evaluated, revised & rejigged my mid to long-term goals to make sure it made sense alongside the gamble. I became more self-less and to trust that all is and will be well because what you keep close to your heart will surely manifest. At no point did I stop dreaming, if anything I dreamt bigger because I wanted more for 'us' than I ever did just for me but I became more pragmatic about achieving my life goals.

My gamble was one that gave me many many sleepless nights, brought tears, anxiety and stress my way but it has also been the making of me. I am stronger a person, more patient, loving, supportive, empathic, generous, ambitious, strong-willed, demanding, resolute, successful...I could go on but put simply, I am more a person for having taken on that gamble.

It would be nice & neat to end by saying that I no longer regard it as a gamble but that would be untrue. I will end by sharing the essence of my learning over the past 9 years and a bit. Nothing is beyond us nor is anything too much for the human spirit to cope with, in fact, the spirit thrives under unfavourable circumstance. Ask Nelson Mandela if you don't believe me!

What is the biggest gamble you have ever taken? I would genuinely love to know :)

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Bruised Egos and Shallow hearts

I adore accessories and if I had my way I would have bunged a lot more on with this simple black jumpsuit of mine but time was not my friend & searching the house for jewellery that was not where it should be was not on the cards. Note to self: stop taking things off and randomly leaving them about the house. I kept the black & gold theme going by carrying Bagspace's baguette, Supre belt and my ever trusty comfy Kurt Geiger shoes.

I want to try and turn this blog into more of a forum than the decidedly one way conversation it is currently. Any advice on how to start this off? Or would you rather continue to peek & dash?

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Corrosion

How cold does it have to get to make baring skin seem beyond stupid to the casual observer? I would argue that this is an appropriate autumnal outfit though many may disagree! Dress from the wonderful bazaar we know as Etsy, linen cardie from Monsoon & boots from Anarchy Street but are actually Anne Mitchell and can be bought stupidly cheap elsewhere should you feel inclined to add a pair to your collection.

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Devaluation is a slow and corrosive process...

Devaluation (from the hands of others) as a tool to break down the spirit is something that is weighing heavily on my mind right now so to find this post is just like a balm to my soul. Thank you for writing this Valentine Hart you lovely lovely woman.

Please, if you do one thing this year, have a romance with yourself. You are so special, treat yourself to treasures, pour glitter into your soul. Surround yourself with all things that glow, and smile with every step you take. Romancing is lovely, and loving yourself is no selfish act. We only have this one chance, the here and the now, and we must embrace it – because there will be no room for regrets once this life passes. If you have regrets, you only have yourself to blame. Do not think of yourself as a commonplace being – you are not. I promise. Each breath you take, each kiss you make, they are all so special.

Connect you mind with your body, think about what you can do. Aren’t you simply marvellous? I know in the brief moment you read this you will think that you are special, and rightfully so. Hold on to that. No one should ever be allowed to take away your shine. Those who try to tarnish you simply do not understand – and more to the pity, because they will perhaps never understand, not really. Perhaps they will pretend to one day, but unless they embrace themselves wholeheartedly without any inhibitions, without any provisos, then they will only ever be half-present. And isn’t that a terrible thought? Could you imagine only being half-present in this extraordinary thing called life? Can you imagine all the things you would fail to notice? It simply does not bear thinking about; it would be a permanent case of the mean reds.

Do not converse with those who try to trivialise your achievements. Those who think that putting one foot in front of the other each day is commonplace. Because it is not. There are a million reasons why you do not want to get out of bed each morning, but the fact that you do – well, that is remarkable, and should be celebrated. If you are like me, you can sense other people’s pain and suffering, and that in itself is a terrible burden, but take it upon yourself to try to help, or to alleviate, the sufferer’s pain. Try to share some light, some perspective. Because we all know how important perspective is. Is life worth living if you cannot keep perspective?  

Courage and self-belief need to be nurtured. Like a fine flower. Because you are a fine flower, you really are. That does not mean you are perfect. Who is? But, who would want to be? Those cracks on your surface – well, they just make you that little more endearing. Continue being elusive, enigmatic. Continue being a little bit tragic, but a whole lot whimsy. Do not apologise for who you are.

Take the time to discover your weaknesses, those blemishes beneath your skin, those flaws in your personality, and pour your love into them. They deserve your love. Do not take your love for granted, it is something to be invested and that investment must be in yourself, your real self. Not the mask you wear for the world to see. 

Begin that romance, now.

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Sage Green & Hertfordshire Boys

I should stop stashing images on my camera waiting for an opportune moment to arrive to enable posting because I & I knows that opportune moments need to be manufactured! Do you find yourself having to steal time away from yourself to make time for yourself?!
I made time for cocktails with the girls over the weekend just gone and I found that nothing else but my Mango trousers, American Apparel crop top & Kandee shoes would do. Bikini bandeau that you can just about see is from this Etsy seller and jacket from Anarchy Street.

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Let the Stars Burst

With me being back at school and beyond exhausted once I finally crawl in at godforsaken 0'clock, it is a huge deal to feel inclined, on a school night, to get dressed come a evening to venture outdoors but that is exactly what I did to try out a new restaurant in the manor with the hubby & daughter in tow. I deemed the occasion worthy of sporting my phenomenally chic but tres sore on the foot Nicholas Kirkwood. I paired this with this gloriously colourful vintage top from  Folie à Deux. My Whistles peg leg trousers completed the look so nicely I wondered why I don't wear them more often....

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Things I Know...

I have an eye infection. Blepharitis to be precise. Not sexy nor cool but it is what it is. Not only am I on antibiotics for a duration of 6weeks (It is THAT serious) but it also means my daily obsession with eyeliner has been thrown off kilter. It is the only make-up that I use daily; religiously & without fail. When I don't (use it) I look ill but If I were to use it whilst infected, I will remain ill for longer as it will most likely prolong the infection!

So, I am currently stuck between a rock & a hard place because I am damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Case in point, I might be rocking my uber fierce Stella McCartney boots coupled with my ever trusty Uniqlo pants & Schwing Schwing top but still how ill do I look in these pics!

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Last of the Summer Wine

We attended our last wedding of the summer (although it could be argued that it was the first of the autumn) last night and it was a perfect opportunity to showcase my Ruth Tarvydas dress via Brandalley & my Beatrix Ong super uber shoe-boots which I scored during FarFetch's last sale.

Seriously, when it comes to shopping, where would I be without the internet? Naked, that is where!

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